Stalkers and Baby Daddies

LC: Many of our fans have been clamoring for me to touch on the issue of Thomas Beatie, the pregnant man. To be honest, no one has been "clamoring" but writing that added a sense of gravity to the post and made me feel good.  On a side note, when am I gonna get a stalker out of this blogging crap? Didn't someone once say "Success is defined by how many boxes of dead roses and rats you receive? I think it was Elizabeth Taylor or Jesus, I don't know. Anyway back to the "baby daddy". When I first heard about Thomas Beatie, I dug in and got ready to defend him from the world of bigots and plain ol' ignoramuses who would no doubt have hate to spew. Now I could get all gender studies up in this bitch but I won't for two reasons: (1) When you start pulling out the gender studies terms people either look at you like you are speaking an alien language or gloss over and pretend to know what the hell you are talking about. And 2. I'm am by no means a pro and when people who aren't pros prostheletize they generally come off like giant tool bags.  So I think the best way to do this is to pose the question and then just answer it. So LC, what do you think about the whole Thomas Beatie situation? Well I think the struggles and adversities that transgendered people brave through are nothing to be taken lightly. The process of reconciling and finding harmony in how you define yourself with the way in which society identifies and marks us all must be extremely difficult. So not being a transgender person, I can't even begin to imagine how and what child-bearing imperatives Beatie feels. So, I say kudos to Thomas. Not because of some blanket "live and let live" policy but because I refuse to devalue his decisions based simply on the fact that I can't completely understand or relate to them. Also who am I kidding, if I could get preggers I would have totally trapped a millionaire by now ( I watch way to many soaps, ya'll!). That being said, all the media attention that he and his wife have whipped up is a bit alarming. Not because of the unfounded assertion that all the attention is setting back the LGBT community,but for the simple fact that media coverage does not a well-adjusted child make, yo! So, for the sake of the baby...Wrap it up B! 

P.S. If anyone has an issue with this post take it up with Jesus, he gets paid an allowance to listen to you...I don't.

Satan Get Your Toboggan

LC: So I just saw John Mayer on TMZ covering his face with a backpack. That's so hypocritical; what a..... Hold on, the unthinkable has just happened and hell must be freezing over. The apocalypse must be upon us and the very core of the earth must be trembling at this revelation. I actually agree with John Mayer about something. For one shining moment in time I will lay down my "John Mayer is a douche bag" placard. Johnny boy recently told Rolling Stone.com that "Guitar Hero was devised to bring the guitar-playing experience to the masses without them having to put anything into it." I will stop quoting him there because he goes on to make an analogy comparing the game and real guitars to an amusement park ride and a Ferrari  (only a grade A ground sirloin douche bag would ever use a Ferrari in an analogy). I don't think I will be as harsh as Mr. Mayer in my criticism; I know there are people who comprehend that this shit is just a game and enjoy it as such. But my problem lies with the person who masters guitar hero and holds their head a little higher feeling as if they have accomplished something that is in anyway transferable to the real world. These are the dillholes who will tell you about the difficulty and merits of playing a song while failing to mention they have never touched a guitar in their life. I know that many people will disagree with that but until they can show me proof that Guitar Hero has actually gotten someone laid, like strumming out some Tom Petty for drunken sorority girls will, I must stand by my assertions. With all that said we can now return to your regularly scheduled program, "LC doesn't care for John Mayer"... Like c'mon Mayer, you can't be all buddy buddy with the paps one day and then decide it's too much and not want to deal with them just cuz you don't feel like it that day. You set a precedent with them you asshat!

This Week’s Take The Shame

LC:  Wow, it took me a while to get through this video of a hit and run that took place in Hartford, Connecticut which left a 78 year old man PARALYZED.  I mean the hit in and off itself is pretty damn shocking.  But the nonchalant reaction of the standers-by is what really takes the cake. What's is wrong with you people of Hartford? Seriously, like your parents seriously failed if they didn't instill you with a basic level of human decency and respect for life. I'm not even asking you guys to go all Grey's Anatomy on the situation, but how about kneeling down and looking in the guy's eyes and letting him know "it's gonna be ok". Look at how far back these people are standing! I don't know what you heard Hartford, but hit and run victims are NOT contagious and touching them won't get you plowed down. Now I've heard that Hartford isn't the best of places. Taking that into consideration, someone like Oprah might let you all off with "the people of Hartford are so devalued that they don't think they have anything to give to someone else in anyway shape or form. Their minds and spirits are broken, so how can they help anyone?" or some flowery shit like that. I say bump that. Take the shame Hartford, Connecticut, just take it.

Ryan: I was sitting around this morning thinking about how black people came together in support of Obama the way they’ve done. It might seem like a forgone conclusion that black people would support the first black with a legit shot at the Presidency. But that assumption ignores two realities, A) Up until Iowa Hillary actually polled much better than Obama amongst black voters, B) black people’s natural aversion to authority and conformity makes unification exceedingly difficult. but all these thoughts of black unity got me to thinking about the last time we got together behind a cause, OJ Simpson’s innocence. Some 14 years after the event it seems obvious that yes, of course, that piece of shit did it. And if black America were honest with itself, I think most of us would admit that we kinda thought he did it the whole time. I guess we just thought that if this clearly guilty man could get away with murder it would somehow make up for all of the black people that get screwed over by the legal system every day. And that was stupid of us. So without further ado, white America, black America is sorry. But with all that being said......FREE KELLS!!!

An Apology Past Due

Dear Obama,


I see everyone is talking about how you locked up the nomination last night. Fuck that. It ain’t over, even if it’s over. You want me to concede? CONCEDE? Condedin’ is for pussies! I bet if our roles were switched, you probably would have conceded two months ago....cause you’re a skinny little bitch that would have buckled under all the pressure I’ve been under. But you know what? All that pressure did was turn me on. That’s right I masturbate to Keith Olberman’s daily demands for me to drop out of this race.

    I’m gonna let your punk-ass in on a little secret... I don’t care if you win the general election, I still ain’t concedin’. You’ll be walking up the platform stairs to give your inauguration speech, and all of a sudden you’ll realize I’m already up there, AND I’m sittin’ in your fuckin’ seat. What are you gonna do? Make me move? Go ahead and try to force the old white lady to get up, that’ll play real well on MSNBC. Naw, you’re not gonna move me, you’ll just ask everyone else to slide down one, and pretend its no big deal....ho.


Sincerely,


H

An Open Letter to From Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama:

Rule 1:

Bill is gonna need to keep his ass in Harlem. I honestly don’t have anything against the man personally, BUT, he has shown he doesn’t know when to shut that mouth. Obama just can’t have Bill’s ass wandering around the White House in his underwear, puttin’ in his two cents every ten minuets.


Rule 2:

Hillary can’t look Michelle in the eyes. There is no specific reason for this rule, it just seemed like a good way for hillary to remember her place. When she’s in the White House, she isn’t home, she’s in Michelle’s house. The White House is huge, but no home is big enough for two strong women.


Rule 3:

Keeping that last sentence in mind, Hillary needs to call before she comes over. Unless summonsed, she should work on health care from home. And by home, I mean HER HOME, the Vice President’s  residence at the US Naval Observatory. If they need her for anything, they’ll call.


Rule 4

She should keep her phone on. If there are any 3 am phone calls she can go ahead and answer them, since she wants to do it so bad. And by “answer them,” we mean take a message. If its important, forward the call to Obama. If it’s not pressing, hold on to the message and pass it on to the President in the morning.


Rule 5

Just like there is no “I” in “Team”, there is not “Hillary” in “President Obama.” So Hillary needs to remember, no one wants to hear what she personally think. Save that shit for your memoirs.

Five Ground Rules for a Vice-President Clinton

The Story: On May 25th Father Michael Pfleger spoke to Obama’s former congregation, Trinity United Church of Christ. The sermon he delivered mocked Hillary Clinton, denounced “white entitlement”, and compared black America to a rape victim. Check out two of the more colorful clips from his speech  [Clip 1]  [Clip 2].


The Question: What do you think about Father Pfleger?

Ryan: I was actually quite familiar with Father Pfleger before he gave this sermon. When I was a kid visiting Chicago my mom once took me to St. Sabina (his parish) to hear him speak. He was already pretty famous at the time, at least amongst God-fearin’ blacks in the midwest. Not just because of his sermons, but because he had been arrested a few times for dousing billboard ads for cigarettes with buckets of paint, and had encouraged parishioners to donate to a fund intended to buy time from prostitutes, and then use that time to teach them job skills. So, despite any auditing concerns I might have with regards to the prostitute program, Father Pfleger is my dude. And unlike Rev. Wright, who has a tendency to espouse nonsense on occasion, Father Pfleger just comes at you with that “Real Talk.”



LC: Holy tween Jesus! After seeing a lot of his videos, I am really feeling what Father Pfleger has to say. When I first started writing this I was going to try and take an apologetic tone for being on board with him. However, if he is going to be a first rate "truth-sayer" the least I can do is let my extreme like for him out into the light. This guy seems to get the Black struggle in a way I would say few non-blacks do. Who is this Father Pfleger? Possiblly the white reincarnation of Nat Turner (wikipedia Nat if you don't know who he is, I refuse to have to tell you)? Or is he just a simple man of God? One thing is for sure, he has got A LOT to say. And the thing that kills me is that people constantly claim what is needed to find resolution to many issues (the issue of race being one) is frank and real discussion. Well, it's not getting any realer than what Father Pfleger is laying out. But at the base of all of it Father Pfleger is undeniably hilarious. If you didn't at least chuckle at his Hilary comments, you are lame and a loser (facts).  I mean if I had a religious figure like this guy to look up to I might actually have stayed in church. I probably wouldn't be a heathen who says things like "I look for God in the small things...like old people falling down".

P.S. Obama gets the "Who the hell are you!?!?" award for this week for saying he was "disappointed" in the Father's remarks. Like who the hell are you to be "disappointed" in him?..you not his Lord and Saviour! You better "taste and see" to figure it out.

Father Pfleger Our Patron Saint of Real Talk

Jimmy Carter?!?!?

Ryan: I thought the prolonged Democratic primary was supposed to allow the McCain campaign this great opportunity to get their shit together for the general? Doesn’t look like that happened. First, there was the crappy speech in front of the awkward green background, a speech he inexplicably delivered on the night Obama clinched the nomination (virtually guaranteeing no one would give a shit). Then, he gives a speech yesterday comparing Obama to Jimmy Carter. He said, “Obama keeps insisting I am running for Bush’s third term, but it sounds like Senator Obama is running for Jimmy Carter’s second.” Is he serious? Someone needs to tell McCain, he’s the only one old enough to vividly remember Jimmy Carter’s presidency. Seriously, Carter left office 28 years ago. As LC put it, you’d probably have to remind even ol’ Jimmy he was President for a time. These days the only thing people know about Carter is that he seems like a nice old man who builds houses for poor people. If McCain is banking on the average person remembering that it was Carter who mismanaged the Iranian Hostage Crisis of 1979, then this November is going to be a Republican bloodbath. That being said, if McCain thinks this is an effective strategy, why should he stop with Carter? I’ve got a slogan for him, “A Vote For Obama, is a Vote for he failed policies of Rutherford B. Hayes!”

Don’t Call it a Comeback

LC: Ok so I elected myself to be the comeback spokesperson. I guess it was around a week, but it felt like forever since we posted. Well we are back with alot of new content and a new face. We are the same though " I'm finding out that though the faces have changed, the hassles are just the same". (I have been watching strangers with candy DVDs). We are gonna do some things hella different (better edits). However, the base is still the same two black guys making a go of it with some white people mixed in (affirmative action works boths ways around here). You guys might have wondered what happened. Well LC got a new jerb and he has to be all types of professional aka not blogging at work.  LC and Ryan are like the wonder twins without one the other ain't shit, so be prepared for steady content and constant hate.